9553 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

I'm very open to the up-and-comers. Bob Newhart

Open Very

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable. Bob Newhart

Today Confusion Humor Think Kind Sacred Sacred Cows Between Know How Passing Cows Little Regrettable Gross Many

I love portraying the totally indifferent person. Bob Newhart

Love Totally Indifferent Person Portraying

There are some actresses that can't do comedy; it's too heavy-handed. Bob Newhart

Comedy Too Some Heavy-Handed Actress

I don't have a stack of scripts that, when I get home, studios are clamoring, saying, 'Has Bob read ours yet?' Bob Newhart

Saying Home Ours Studios Read Get Stack Scripts Bob

I have no intention of retiring; I can't imagine not doing stand-up. That's where I started and where I'll be. Bob Newhart

No Intention Retiring Doing Intention Where Started Imagine

Don Rickles and I are best friends. I know that might seem strange to those who know Don only by reputation, but somebody has to be his friend. Just to make sure I don't forget, Don gave me a doormat that sits just outside the front door of my house. It reads: 'The Newharts: The Rickleses Best Friends.' Bob Newhart

Best Me Strange Somebody Reputation Gave Those Seem Only Outside Know House Make Sure Reads His Friend Friends Forget Front Front Door Just Door Doormat Might Who

I have to warn you, I'm not just some sitcom guy. I'm now an author. Bob Newhart

You Some Guy Author Sitcom Just Warn Now

One time I happened to use the word 'denigrate' onstage, and it didn't get any reaction. So as I continued my act, the left side of my brain was fast-forwarding to see if I had any other big words coming up. Bob Newhart

I don't know how to do a show not in front of a live audience. Bob Newhart

Live Live Audience Know Audience How Front Show

I think the thing about it is when you grow up in Chicago there's such a thing as putting on airs, you know? And you just learn not to put on airs. Don't act like, 'Oh boy, I'm somebody.' They'll slap you down. Bob Newhart

There is an edginess in my work that people don't always recognize. Bob Newhart

Work People Recognize Always

Stand-up is different from television. In stand-up, you've got to be in control. Bob Newhart

You Control Television Got Different

A lot of money is spent trying to keep people alive who don't necessarily want to be alive. Bob Newhart

People Money Spent Alive Lot Trying Want Who Keep Necessarily

I would say I came from upper middle class family. Bob Newhart

Family Class Say Would Class Family Came Upper Middle Middle Class

Dick Martin, if you put a gun to his forehead, he couldn't tell you a joke. Bob Newhart

You Gun Joke Tell Martin He Put Forehead His

When I first started out, 'Time' magazine did an article on what it called 'the sick comics,' and they were myself, Shelley Berman, Nichols & May, Jonathan Winters, Lenny Bruce, and Mort Sahl. We were considered 'sick.' Bob Newhart

Time Myself First Sick Considered Out Magazine Bruce Winters Jonathan Shelley Comics Were Article Did May Lenny Lenny Bruce Started

Humor is so important to the American scene throughout history. Bob Newhart

History Humor Important Scene Throughout American

Stammering is different than stuttering. Stutterers have trouble with the letters, while stammerers trip over entire parts of a sentence. We stammerers generally think of ourselves as very bright. Bob Newhart

Trouble Think Ourselves Trip Entire Generally Over Parts Stuttering Very Than Different While Sentence Bright Letters

The greatest comedian I've ever seen is Jack Benny. He wasn't afraid of the silences. Bob Newhart

Seen Benny Silences He Comedian Greatest Jack Jack Benny Afraid Ever

Quotes by Comedians