9553 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

I was a film-directing major at NYU. I'm still not sure why I became a directing major, when I was really an actor and a comedian, but there was something that drew me to doing that. Billy Crystal

Me Drew Something Directing Major Comedian Sure Became Still Doing Really Actor NYU Why

You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world. Billy Crystal

You World Stage Some Front Really Muscle

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it's great. Billy Crystal

Myself Great You Strange People Once Laugh Thousand Weird Feel Couple Proud Making Sound Causing Get Really

I never worry that I'll die in my sleep, because I'm never asleep! Billy Crystal

Worry Never Because Die Asleep Sleep

In my standup work, I always do these characters, older people who are just off to the side. It's easier to write a story about the guy who made it to the top, but the middle is so much more interesting, so much more murky. Billy Crystal

My dad, Jack, had a great sense of humour and had a strong impact on me and my humour. Billy Crystal

Great Me Strong Sense Humour Impact Had Great Sense Jack Dad

Believe me, happiness is not ticking off Walter Cronkite. Billy Crystal

Happiness Me Believe Cronkite Ticking Off

My dad had two, sometimes three jobs. Besides running the Commodore Music Shop in Manhattan, he did jazz concerts, and he ran this great jazz label, Commodore. Billy Crystal

Music Great Sometimes Three Jazz Ran Jobs Besides Running Had He Concerts Label Did Shop Manhattan Dad Two

I was a per diem floater in the same junior high school I went to. I sat in the office and made $42.50 a day, and whenever a teacher was absent, I'd substitute. I taught everything from English to auto shop. Billy Crystal

To me, little Mike Wazowski is one of the best characters I ever got to play because he was funny. He was outrageous. He got angry. He was romantic. He was a full, well-rounded character. Billy Crystal

Funny Best Angry Character Me Characters Outrageous He Because Well-Rounded Got Romantic Little Mike Full Ever Play

When I'm not thrilled, I get funny. Billy Crystal

Funny Thrilled Get

I never felt I had my 15, 16, 17 kind of years the way I maybe should have. It's a huge dent in you that it's hard to knock out and make it all smooth again. Billy Crystal

You Way Out Kind Never Had Knock Make Felt Smooth Years Huge Dent Maybe Again Should Hard

I'd stand on a coffee table, and my cousin Edith would give me dimes, and you put the dimes on your head... And when your forehead was full, show was over. Billy Crystal

Me You Coffee Would Table Give Give Me Put Head Over Forehead Cousin Stand Your Full Show Coffee Table

When I was growing up in the house, we'd watch the Oscars. Billy Crystal

House Up Growing Growing Up Watch Oscars

That's still the greatest high, that feeling of being in control of 2,000 people. It's me and them, and I like the odds. It's not even so much the funny. It's getting them quiet. In the quiet moments in '700 Sundays,' I just really love that they're getting moved. Billy Crystal

The Academy and the Oscars have been very gracious to me. Billy Crystal

Me Academy Been Very Gracious Oscars

There used to be that you only had four or five critics that you would look to for intelligent conversation, but now there are millions of people who can just press 'send,' and everyone's got an opinion even if no one cares what they say. It makes things a little bit tougher. Billy Crystal

You Conversation People Cares Everyone Say Bit Press Would Critics No One Cares Only Tougher Had No-One Look Makes Opinion Got Five Intelligent Send Just Little Little Bit Used Who Even They Say Now Things Four Millions Millions Of People

Quotes by Comedians