Quotes by Comedians

I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name. Dominic Holland
First Admit Never Name Household Household Name Am Been
I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success. Dominic Holland
Success TV Tried Write Times Sitcom Little Many
It is the natural order of things that successive generations will achieve more than their predecessors. Dominic Holland
Natural Achieve Will More Generations Than Predecessors Order Natural Order Successive Things
There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage. Dominic Holland
Silence Stage Nothing Comedian Audience Loud Quite
Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed. Dominic Holland
Young Panel Say Dare Hot Hottest New Comedian Judges Were Years Years Ago Very Maybe Many Even Now Believed
My story is comic because I've spent vast amounts of effort trying to become a Hollywood screenwriter and made no direct effort on making my son a movie actor. Dominic Holland
Son Made Become Spent Direct Vast Because Comic Making Effort Trying Movie Movie Actor Screenwriter Story Hollywood Actor Amount
As a parent, I often wonder what I should be encouraging my kids to do for a career. Dominic Holland
Kids Parent Encouraging Wonder Often Should Career
I like to call myself numerically dyslexic, but officially, I am mathematically thick. Dominic Holland
Myself Dyslexic Like Call Am Mathematically Officially Thick
Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews. Dominic Holland
Money Value Penny Lose Thousands Cash Risky Invest Investment Put Shares Safely Returns Go Cannot Spare Your Avoid Why Spectacular Lure Buying
I'm a confident person next to the guy in the street, but if you go into the showbiz world, it seems the guys who are most successful are the most confident, and I don't think I fit into that category. Dominic Holland
You World Think Seems Guy Guys Category Most Go Fit Person Confident Successful Next Showbiz Who Street
The house I've bought in London, the holidays, everything has been bought from making people laugh, and if you'd said to me when I was 14 that's how I was going to make my living, I would have smiled from ear to ear. Dominic Holland
Me You People Living Everything Laugh Has-Been Would London Bought House Smiled Make Said How Making Been Going Holidays Ear
My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly. Dominic Holland
People Job Laugh Properly Instead Make Done Upset Them Then
When I phoned up and said, 'Mum, I'm doing a 52-date national tour with Eddie Izzard,' she said 'That's nice, dear. How are you?' Dominic Holland
You National Nice Tour Eddie She Said How Dear Doing Up Mum
Edinburgh is a world city, visited throughout the year for its beauty and history, but in August, it is the City of Hope. There is something very exciting and romantic about performers of all shapes and sizes, honing their stuff for the biggest arts festival in the world. Dominic Holland
Hope History World Beauty Year Honing Visited City About Something Throughout Shapes Exciting Stuff Performers Edinburgh August Very Festival Arts Romantic Sizes Biggest
I even like the Scottish weather because, like everywhere in the U.K., you can't have great beauty without lots of rain. Dominic Holland
Great You Rain Weather Beauty Everywhere Like Because Without Lots Scottish Even
Seeing a full room of punters queuing for my show is always heartening. Dominic Holland
Seeing Always Room Full Show
In my career, all my most important breaks have come from Edinburgh. Winning awards, being reviewed, bagging my BBCR4 series and the chance to tour has all come from Edinburgh, which begs the question, why the hell have I left it so long to come back? Dominic Holland
Long Important Hell Back Winning Tour Come Most Edinburgh Reviewed Question Left Being Which Breaks Series Awards Why Career Chance
When I do a show, I jot little notes for me to remember, and when the show is done and forgotten, I chuck them all over the car. My wife goes nuts. Dominic Holland
Me Remember Car Wife Chuck Nuts Jot Over Goes Done Forgotten Little Them Notes Show
I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!' Dominic Holland
Me You People Better Car Thought Looking Thinking Say Recognised See People Say Guy Had Driving He Him Mate Been Than Might Then Paying Petrol Actually Two Two People
A barrel of laughs should be enough, but it's not. A good review is official and endures. A bad one is like a tub of Flora. It spreads easily and lasts for the whole festival. Dominic Holland
Good Enough Lasts Easily Laughs Bad Bad One Like Spreads Review Festival Tub Official Endures Should Barrel Whole Flora
For comics, Edinburgh makes no financial or medical sense. Get an audience; that's the first task. Once the punters are in, simply make them laugh for an hour, and then sweat on the critics. Dominic Holland
Financial First Sense Once Laugh Critics Simply Hour Make Edinburgh Makes Audience Comics Task Get Them Sweat Then Medical
It was a special show that became a cult classic of sorts, and I made a lot of money for it. Don Adams
Money Made Classic Sort Became Cult Lot Show Special
I like getting married, but I don't like being married. Don Adams
Marriage Married Like Getting Getting Married Being
I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much. Don Adams
Joke Alimony Support Since Been Child Child Support Much Paying
Sinatra had a lot of mood swings, but he was wonderful to my wife Barbara and to me. He made no bones about who he liked and who he loved, and he had this great charisma. When he walked into a room, it stopped. I've only seen that happen with Ronald Reagan. Don Rickles
Great Me Wonderful Wife Made Seen Mood Mood Swings Charisma About Only Had He Sinatra Liked Reagan Lot Walked Stopped Happen Loved Ronald Reagan Barbara Room Who Swings Bones
I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.' Don Rickles
Me You Walk Dinner Party Idiot Say Dinner Party Give Give Me Coat
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