Ari Shaffir Quotes

Ari Shaffir
Ari Shaffir
American Comedian
Born: Feb 12, 1974
About Comedy Just Like People You
Once I started getting more successful, I just stopped caring completely - ‘I'll just do exactly what I want. It doesn't matter.' Ari Shaffir
Matter Caring Once Exactly Exactly What More Getting Just Stopped Want Successful Started
As long as you have your own apartment and you can pretty much make rent for the next year, you're golden! Ari Shaffir
You Long Year Own Pretty Make Rent Golden Apartment Much Next Your Next Year
Sometimes I start off shows by explaining to people that it's just a bunch of stories - I always say 'It's like standup, just less funny.' Ari Shaffir
Funny People Sometimes Say Like Always Off Bunch Just Stories Explaining Less Standup Shows Start
When people tell me to do a clean show, I'm like, 'Guys, I don't even understand your thoughts anymore.' What, you can't say a curse word? Nobody thinks that way! Ari Shaffir
Me Thoughts You People Word Way Say Tell Guys Clean Nobody Like Understand Curse Anymore Your Show Even Thinks
Laughs, just laughs. It's the only motivation of a comic. Ari Shaffir
Laughs Only Comic Motivation Just
I'm a bit of an introvert, so after talking for an hour and then shaking hands and taking pictures with the people who came out, I kind of need to be alone for a bit to get away from all stimuli. Ari Shaffir
Alone People Bit Out Kind Introvert Shaking Taking Pictures Hour Talking Came Stimuli Get Hands After Then Who Away Need
Figure out a way to get back onstage because once you do it a few times you'll get over it. Unless it's like a clinical thing. I don't know about clinical like stage fright, that might be worse than what I'm talking about. But if it's normal stage fright get over it. Ari Shaffir
You Few Stage Back Unless Once Way Worse Out About Onstage Over Over It Like Know Talking Because Clinical Normal Times Fright Than Get Stage Fright Might Figure Thing
I want to do a travel book. Ari Shaffir
Travel Book Want
I never had good grades until I dropped out of religion. And then suddenly, my grades went up. Ari Shaffir
Good Religion Out Never Had Dropped Until Up Grades Then Suddenly Good Grades
You just gotta record stuff and move on and make new material. Painters don't wait until they're in some specific gallery before they move on to the next painting. Ari Shaffir
You Wait Before Move On Painting Record Some Stuff New Until Make Material Gotta New Material Move Just Gallery Next Painters Specific
I worked for the Comedy Store as an employee trying to become a paid regular. I had this dream of achieving a half hour special on TV. Ari Shaffir
Comedy Half Become TV Dream Had Hour Employee Trying Store Achieving Worked Regular Paid Special
Being Orthodox Jewish is kind of like being raised on like network sitcoms. Ari Shaffir
Kind Network Like Sitcoms Being Orthodox Raised Jewish
I love gummy bears, pretzels of all kinds, popcorn, Doritos - those are all healthy snacks. Ari Shaffir
Love Healthy Those I Love Kinds Bears Snacks Popcorn
If I focus solely on developing new material, then I can get a new 45 minute to an hour in about six months. Then I'll work on it and work on it and can make it killer within another six months or so. Ari Shaffir
Work Focus Months Solely I Can Killer Minute About Developing New Hour Make Another Within Material New Material Get Six Then
I'm not intentionally dirty. It just kind of happens. It's not like I'm a shock comic who's looking to walk people. Ari Shaffir
People Walk Looking Kind Dirty Like Comic Shock Just Intentionally Just Kind Happens
My CD, my first release, was at the Comedy Works in Denver, one of the best clubs in the country. Ari Shaffir
Best Comedy CD First Country Release Denver Clubs Works
Everyone in L.A. talks about getting an agent or a manager in terms of getting on a sitcom or getting on a movie or doing something else. Ari Shaffir
Else Everyone About Something Something Else Terms Talks Doing Sitcom Manager Getting Movie Agent
If you like a conversational style of comedy, if you like comedy that's a little dangerous, I'm your guy. Ari Shaffir
You Dangerous Comedy Style Guy Like Conversational Little Your
I have a running daydream about winning an Oscar and giving my speech about how ridiculous it is to rank art. And then I'd call them all sycophants and leave the statue at the podium as I walked away. Ari Shaffir
Art Giving Rank Statue Running About Podium Winning Daydream Call How Leave Walked Them Then Ridiculous Away Oscar Speech
I think you're a comedian as soon as you start. I don't think there's a moment where you become a full comic. Ari Shaffir
You Become Think I Think Soon Comedian Comic Where Full Moment Start
That anonymity that comes with talking in front of a crowd of people you've never met allows you to reveal anything, because you don't really have to associate with any one of them. Ari Shaffir
You People Met Crowd Never Anonymity Talking Because Reveal Any Front Anything Them Really Associate
Very rarely are you going to see a story about a comic winning a fight. Yeah we're all degenerates in some way and we're all awful people, so we just show our weaknesses. Ari Shaffir
You Fight People Our Way Weaknesses See Rarely Some About Winning Comic Yeah Very Going Just Story Show Awful
No one's telling Tarantino what to do. You might like it or you might not like it, but the reality is he's getting his own vision out there. Ari Shaffir
You Reality Vision Own Out Telling He Like His Tarantino Getting Might
No astronauts look like George Clooney. Ari Shaffir
Astronauts Like Look George George Clooney Clooney
I know how lazy I am. So if I have to go somewhere else I can't get to easily, I talk myself out of it. Ari Shaffir
Myself I Am Somewhere Else Easily Out Somewhere Else Lazy Know Talk How Am Go Get
Stage fright is a real thing. It's debilitating to some people. Ari Shaffir
People Some People Stage Some Real Debilitating Fright Real Thing Stage Fright Thing
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