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Words
You
My favorite excercise at the gym is judging.
Unknown
Gym
Absurd
Judging
Relatable
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up, because I'm still looking for ideas.
Unknown
Absurd
Relatable
I'm not arguing, I'm explaining why I'm right.
Unknown
Arguing
Absurd
Explaining
Relatable
That urge you get to write "no one gives a shit" on someone's status.
Unknown
Facebook
Absurd
Relatable
Brains are awesome. If only everyone had one.
Unknown
Awesome
Absurd
Brains
Relatable
Nothing is really lost until your mother can't find it.
Unknown
Mother
Lost
Absurd
Relatable
I'm more careful with video game currency than I'm with actual money.
Unknown
Absurd
Currency
Video Game
Relatable
A baby drinks a bottle and falls asleep, that's cute. I do it, and I'm an alcoholic.
Unknown
Alcohol
Baby
Bottle
Absurd
Relatable
Technically if you don't cut a cake, it's still only one slice.
Unknown
Funny
Cake
Absurd
Relatable
That one password you use for everything and if anyone knew it they could destroy you.
Unknown
Absurd
Relatable
Bad choices make good stories.
Unknown
Bad Choices
Good Stories
Absurd
Relatable
Halfway through the year and I've literally accomplished nothing.
Unknown
Absurd
Accomplished
Relatable
I don't think girls notice how handsome my mom says I am.
Unknown
Mom
Absurd
Handsome
Relatable
Sometimes I wish I could punch people right in their opinions.
Unknown
Punch
Absurd
Opinions
Relatable
Girl logic: I don't need attention but I want attention, but don't smother me with attention because that's annoying.
Unknown
Girl
Logic
Attention
Absurd
Relatable
To the homeless guy shaking his costa cup at me, I get it, you have more money than me.
Unknown
Absurd
Relatable
Never get into an argument with someone who types faster than you.
Unknown
Argument
Absurd
Relatable
I like romantic walks to the bar.
Unknown
Absurd
Bar
Relatable
I have a six pack, it's just very shy.
Unknown
Funny
Absurd
Relatable
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
Unknown
Smile
Absurd
Relatable
Time is precious, waste it wisely.
Unknown
Absurd
Relatable
We kill people who kill people, because killing people is wrong.
Unknown
Absurd
Relatable
I'm going to college to get a good enough job to pay for college.
Unknown
Funny
College
Absurd
Relatable
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Unknown
Absurd
Relatable
The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
Unknown
Weekend
Absurd
Relatable
I hate when I offer someone food and they accept.
Unknown
Absurd
Relatable
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