476 quotes by sociologists for you to enjoy

My mother cared a lot about clothes. It was a point of friction because when I was a teenager, and I only wanted to wear my father's shirts, and I never wanted to wear makeup, she would say: 'Put on lipstick.' That was her thing. Deborah Tannen

For girls and women, talk is the glue that holds a relationship together - and the explosive that can blow it apart. That's why you can think you're having a perfectly amiable chat, then suddenly find yourself wounded by the shrapnel from an exploded conversation. Deborah Tannen

Relationship You Conversation Together Women Yourself Girl Think Find Wounded Having Chat Perfectly Talk Glue Blow Holds Apart Exploded Then Explosive Amiable Suddenly Why

All of us aspire to be powerful, and we all want to connect with others. Deborah Tannen

Others Powerful Want Us Aspire Connect

If you understand gender differences in what I call 'conversational style', you may not be able to prevent disagreements from arising, but you stand a better chance of preventing them from spiraling out of control. Deborah Tannen

For each other, at each other: Sisters can be either or both. The same could be said of people in any close relationship. Yet there is something special about sisters - specially gratifying and specially fraught. Deborah Tannen

Relationship People Other Fraught About Something Both Something Special Could Said Close Close Relationship Sisters Same Any Either Special Each Gratifying

Birth order is fascinating, and it is forever. Deborah Tannen

Birth Forever Order Fascinating

A double bind is far worse than a straightforward damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't dilemma. It requires you to obey two mutually exclusive commands: Anything you do to fulfill one violates the other. Deborah Tannen

You Obey Other Dilemma Worse Mutually Mutually Exclusive Exclusive Commands Than Anything Double Far Straightforward Fulfill Requires Bind Violates Two

Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's. Deborah Tannen

Power Own Other Each Her

When women told me they'd always wished they had a sister, they were thinking of this ideal of mutual encouragement and support. Many of those who have sisters also yearn for this ideal because their relationships with their sisters don't always live up to it. Deborah Tannen

Life Daily Culture Problem Fault Mother My Life Every Everything Tends Individuals Between Like Mothers Demonize Accomplished Owe American Either Popular Popular Culture Ever Daily Life

In a world of status, independence is key, because a primary means of establishing status is to tell others what to do, and taking orders is a marker of low status. Though all humans need both intimacy and independence, women tend to focus on the first and men on the second. It is as if their lifeblood ran in different directions. Deborah Tannen

Women World Key Focus Independence Men First Others Ran Intimacy Though Tell Status Directions Both Tend Lifeblood Taking Primary Because Establishing Different Orders Different Directions Low Means Second Humans Need

'Right' and 'wrong' aren't words a linguist uses. Deborah Tannen

Words Wrong Uses Right Right And Wrong

My interest in the linguistic differences between women and men grew from research I conducted early in my career on conversations between speakers of different ethnic and regional backgrounds. Deborah Tannen

Women Men Differences Research Backgrounds Between Linguistic Women And Men Different Grew Conversations Interest Regional Ethnic Speakers Early Career

The contrasting focus on connection versus hierarchy also sheds light on innumerable adult conversations - and frustrations. Say a woman tells another about a personal problem and hears in response, 'I know how you feel' or 'the same thing happens to me.' The resulting 'troubles talk' reinforces the connection between them. Deborah Tannen

Me You Woman Problem Light Focus Same Thing Say Response Hierarchy Tells About Resulting Troubles Adult Feel Between Know Talk Also Sheds Another How Hears Versus Contrasting Personal Same Happens Conversations Frustrations Them Connection Thing

The long history of conversations that family members share contributes not only to how listeners interpret words but also to how speakers choose them. Deborah Tannen

Family History Words Long Members Only Long History Share Also How Family Members Listeners Conversations Them Speakers Choose Interpret

I wouldn't say that it's hard for sisters to treat each other with respect. Many do. Deborah Tannen

Respect Treat Other Say Sisters Hard Many Each

There is more excitement, more amazement when a first is born. No subsequent babies can have that impact. Deborah Tannen

First Babies Impact Born More Excitement Amazement Subsequent

Everything you say in a family carries meaning from all that was said before. So with friends, there is less likelihood of a few words triggering associations from childhood, where our deepest emotions often are rooted. Deborah Tannen

It's an interesting point about sisters not getting the same attention as parents and children, and even brothers. I suspect it's just because women didn't count that much and weren't the ones writing the accounts. Deborah Tannen

An assumption underlying almost all comments on interruptions is that they are aggressive, but the line between what's perceived as assertiveness or aggressiveness almost certainly shifts with an interrupter's gender. Deborah Tannen

Gender Aggressive Assumption Perceived Almost Almost All Between Underlying Line Shifts Comments Aggressiveness Certainly Assertiveness Interruptions

For women, detailed conversation is our lifeblood, while for men it's just not as critical. Deborah Tannen

Conversation Women Men Our Critical Detailed Lifeblood Just While

Quotes by Sociologists