9554 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened to me has taught me compassion. Ellen DeGeneres

Me Compassion Everything Bad Learned Discriminated Taught Being Happened Against Ever

I'm a fan of people getting together. Ellen DeGeneres

Together People Getting Fan

The first house I bought was a little Spanish bungalow on Clinton Street in West Hollywood, right behind the Improv. I was renting it, and I asked the owners if I could buy it, and they were really nice and let me work out a deal. And I fixed it up and later sold it. That was when I realized that if you make some improvements, you can make money. Ellen DeGeneres

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I'm a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian. Ellen DeGeneres

Lesbian Vegetarian

The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball. Ellen DeGeneres

Carol Carol Burnett Martin Allen Steve Steve Martin Because Ball Influenced Burnett Woody Woody Allen Bob Reason Lucille Lucille Ball

People love their animals so much so that they put little clothes on them and necklaces and booties and things like that. And if you love your animal, then you should feed them something that's not dangerous for them. There's a lot of poisonous stuff that they're putting in a lot of that food, those by-products. Ellen DeGeneres

Love Food You Animal People Dangerous Animals Clothes Those Something Poisonous Put Feed Putting Stuff Like Lot Little Them Then Much Should Your Things

I've moved about 10 times over the past 15 years. I don't move for the sole purpose of getting rid of stuff. I'm not crazy. I also move so that I never have to wash any windows. Ellen DeGeneres

Crazy Past Sole Sole Purpose Windows About Purpose Never Stuff Over Also Years Times Any Getting Move Moved Rid Wash

If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. Ellen DeGeneres

Love Fight World Animals Energy Think Trees Our Destroying Hurting More Environment Powerful Stuff Another Got Very Need

I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That's a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that. Ellen DeGeneres

Love Good You People Big Every Kid Kind Something Part Observing Since Like Comedian Became Audience Got Person Big Part Done Just Really Filled Why Ever Imagine

The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was - it really is, I have a career despite myself. Ellen DeGeneres

Myself Class Clown Despite Everything Class Clown Never Had Attention Accidental Up Get Grew Really Stand Stand Up Career

If you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wanting people to talk about you and wanting everyone to know who you are. But that also means there are going to be a whole bunch of people who don't like you. No matter who you are. Ellen DeGeneres

You Business Yourself People Matter To Be Honest Everyone Admit About Like Know Talk Also Go Bunch Going Wanting Means Show Show Business Who Whole Honest