Pat Paulsen Quotes

Pat Paulsen
Pat Paulsen
American Comedian
Born: Jul 6, 1927
Died: Apr 24, 1997
Down Me People Will Wine You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields
All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian. Pat Paulsen
Today Immigration Problems Face States Immigration Policy Indian Part Policy American United United States
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years! Pat Paulsen
Time You Fool People Every Monkey Out Some Only Voters Make Years Four
Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home? Pat Paulsen
Home Better Care Military Spend Taking Concentrate Foreign Continue Dictatorships Subsidize Should Billions Right Here
Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.' Pat Paulsen
Saying You World Will White White House Assure Relations Respond Must Having Joking House Comic Foreign Continue Stability Initiatives
Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. Pat Paulsen
Fly Country Control Assuming Circles Right-Wing Would Wing Around Left Left-Wing Either Gained Right
Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon. Pat Paulsen
Blame Fault Political Try Single Greedy Politician Richard Nixon System Nixon Out Would Lies Only Individual Cheap Gain Richard
I've upped my standards. Now, up yours. Pat Paulsen
Up Standards Yours Now
We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go. Pat Paulsen
Beautiful Time Natural Too Late Example Before Too Late Our Resources Way One Time Take Step For Example Look Piece Protecting Sure Got Go Up Efforts Just Grand Grand Canyon Canyon Land Natural Resources Lands Conservation
I don't need adult supervision. Pat Paulsen
Supervision Adult Need
If elected, I will win. Pat Paulsen
Win Will Elected
Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up. Pat Paulsen
You Everything Presidents Tend Know Mess Up Tinker
A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose? Pat Paulsen
You Gun Down Moose Knows Spot Walking Who Street Necessity
I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it? Pat Paulsen
Government Good Good Job Job Think Percent Does Just Tip Fifteen Should Standard
So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye. Pat Paulsen
Meets Eye More Got Lot Than Heck Realizing Grapes Growing
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. Pat Paulsen
Good You Wine Top Paper Paper Bag Some Some Things Knew Bag Supposed Learned Were Falls Off Hold Things
The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that. Pat Paulsen
Service Government Half Lose Run Postal Postal Service Could Federal Federal Government Mail Your Millions
I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man. Pat Paulsen
You Man Song Dance Before Enough Spent Drawbacks Television Critics Some Admit Only Song And Dance Lead Never Maintain Comedian Although Limitations Am Inexperienced Years Deny Candidate Romantic Romantic Lead Cannot Stand Professional Two
Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not? Pat Paulsen
Will National Obliterate Sure National Debt Debt Why Why Not
The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down. Pat Paulsen
Life Ride My Life Long Few Down Bottom Like Been Years Little Last Last Few Years
It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies. Pat Paulsen
Tough Babies Kissing Shaking Campaigning Hands
I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good. Pat Paulsen
Good You Live State Over Look California Iowa Caucus Where Want
Deep down, I happen to be very shallow. Pat Paulsen
Down Shallow Very Happen Deep Deep Down
I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan. Pat Paulsen
Good Great Think President Pension Pretty Pretty Good Make Plan
In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president. Pat Paulsen
Become President Never He Boy Up America Any Vice Vice President Grow Grow Up Grows
People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?' Pat Paulsen
Me You Change People Corners Hey Say Come Got Up Any Bars They Say Street

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