Henny Youngman Quotes

Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman
American Comedian
Born: Mar 16, 1906
Died: Feb 24, 1998
He Man Me Time Wife You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman
Morning You Tomorrow Sorry Late Something Going Tonight Sleep
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman
Music Time Marriage People Dinner Some People Long Secret Our Dancing Restaurant Some Week Take Anniversary She Go Times Goes Candlelight The Secret Of Little Ask Two Soft
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman
Happy Marriage Secret Remains The Secret Of Happy Marriage
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman
Funny You First Succeed If At First Much Skydiving
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. Henny Youngman
Christmas Atheist Become Gave Once Up Wanted Holidays
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman
Me Doctor Those Broke He Leg Quit Going Places Medical Two
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman
Today Good Stepped Balls Hit Golf While Playing Two Rake
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months. Henny Youngman
Man Doctor Pay Live Gave Months He Him Another His Six Bill
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. Henny Youngman
Glasses Out Drinks Bottle Over Still Eighty Grandmother Right Need
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman
Love Home You Woman Marriage Affection Give Tenderness Wrong Do You Know Come Know House Little Means Night
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. Henny Youngman
Money Got Die Ever Four Need
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. Henny Youngman
Travel Took Back Pleasure Airport Trip Mother-In-Law Got Just
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. Henny Youngman
Woman Made Sick Other Out Had Well Got Soup Chicken Chickens Get Get Well Help Two Jewish
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. Henny Youngman
Time Army First Other Brother-In-Law Joined He Himself First Time Died Expert Then Karate
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him. Henny Youngman
Great Yesterday Took Seven Horse Horses Beat Him Played
You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. Henny Youngman
You Human Being Personality Nice Human Being
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. Henny Youngman
Wife Back Way Everywhere Finding Take She Her Keeps
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope. Henny Youngman
Me Mother Dope Living Knew She Selling Did Thinks
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. Henny Youngman
Teacher Man Worse Student Self-Taught Poor
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. Henny Youngman
Love Buy You Pay
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! Henny Youngman
Man Dog School Go Were His Graduated Graduation Then Separated Used
She has a wash and wear bridal gown. Henny Youngman
Wear She Gown Bridal Wash
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? Henny Youngman
Time Drunk Bad City New Town Most York New York New York City Dad
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match. Henny Youngman
Girl She Match Hips
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. Henny Youngman
Men Before Wives Die Want Why Jewish
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! Henny Youngman
Time First Saw Horse Kneeling First Time Start Position

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