W. C. Fields Quotes

W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields
American Comedian
Born: Jan 29, 1880
Died: Dec 25, 1946
Drink Even Me Never Water You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. W. C. Fields
Funny Food Sometimes Wine Add Cook Even Relatable
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. W. C. Fields
You Bull Them Brilliance
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. W. C. Fields
Success You Fool Try First Damn About No Point Point Quit Being Again Succeed If At First Then
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. W. C. Fields
People Sense Horse Betting Which Keeps Thing
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. W. C. Fields
Me Woman Decency Drink Drove Thank Even Her
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. W. C. Fields
Food Water Nothing Live Prohibition Once Days Forced
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. W. C. Fields
Sunday Year Think Once I Think Spent Philadelphia
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. W. C. Fields
Cheese Pet Rat Clever Breath Down Eats Cat Holes Breathes
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree. W. C. Fields
Crazy Women Degree Doubt All Women No Doubt Only Question Exists Women Are
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. W. C. Fields
Life You Woman Try Rest Impress Never She Because Up Expect Your Standard Keep
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. W. C. Fields
Nothing Having Feet Like House Around Midget Little Butler
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. W. C. Fields
Man Met Would Put Over His Turn Themselves Popcorn Ever Pancakes
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. W. C. Fields
You Woman Cold Out Marry Outdoors Throw She Yard Still Survive Then Her Night
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. W. C. Fields
Remember Live Takes Dead Fish Upstream Swim Float Downstream
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. W. C. Fields
Food Me Travel Water Somebody Nothing Live Several Had Reminds Days Forgot Africa
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. W. C. Fields
Life My Life Live Had Over
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. W. C. Fields
New Year's Home Worry About Drink Driven Never Just Being
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. W. C. Fields
Time Man Face Situation Must Tail Take He Bull Affairs
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. W. C. Fields
Women Own Like Look Women Are Want Elephants
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. W. C. Fields
Politics Vote Hell Never Always Anybody Against
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. W. C. Fields
Man World Dangerous Dangerous Place Alive Out Get Getting Place Lucky
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. W. C. Fields
Me Woman Drink Never Had Drove Courtesy Thank Who Her
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. W. C. Fields
Money Morally Morally Wrong Allow Wrong His Sucker Keep
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. W. C. Fields
Today Ways Only Drink Real Sell Get Liquor Two
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. W. C. Fields
Lunch Cork Took Out Some Weasel
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. W. C. Fields
Water Drink Never Stuff Pipes
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