Tommy Cooper Quotes

Tommy Cooper
British Comedian
Born: Mar 19, 1921
Died: Apr 15, 1984
Bottom Last Me Wife You Your
Related authors: Alexei Sayle Eddie Izzard Eric Morecambe Jack Whitehall John Oliver Stephen Fry Tim Vine Tracey Ullman
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.' Tommy Cooper
You Woman Age Doctor Ugly Old Old Age Back Says Okay Bad Tells Bad Back Well Opinion Got Want Her Second
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. Tommy Cooper
Funny Today Shopping Window Windows Bought Four
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.' Tommy Cooper
Dog Looking Walks Thanks Starts Guide Says Out He Head Picks Blind Calls Around His Bloke Up Sir Shop Just Just Looking Help Swinging Assistant
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.' Tommy Cooper
Me You Cheese Hop Kitchen He French Well Said Got Waiter Yes Get Frog Legs Sandwich Asked
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. Tommy Cooper
Police Drinking Yesterday Other Battery Kids Charged Eating Fireworks Arrested Off Acid Two
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' Tommy Cooper
Today Me You Somebody Fine Parking Driving Know Said Left Little Note Actually
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone. Tommy Cooper
Gone Ate Dreamt Marshmallow Ten Pound Pillow Woke Up Last Night Last Night
My wife said, 'Take me in your arms and whisper something soft and sweet.' I said, 'chocolate fudge.' Tommy Cooper
Me Wife Sweet Something Take Arms Said Whisper Chocolate Your Soft
Electricity is a wonderful thing. Do you realise that if we didn't have electricity, we'd be watching television by candle light? Tommy Cooper
You Wonderful Light Television Wonderful Thing Candle Realise Electricity Thing Watching Watching Television
I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, 'Which way?' Tommy Cooper
Way Some He Bought Lean Make Said Which Them Chops Pork Butcher
Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place. Tommy Cooper
Fire Slept Log Like Woke Up Place Last Night Last Night
The town was so dull: one day the tide went out, and it never came back. Tommy Cooper
Day Back One Day Out Never Town Tide Came Dull
My wife had a bad habit of biting her nails, but I cured her. I hid her teeth. Tommy Cooper
Wife Teeth Hid Biting Bad Bad Habit Habit Had Nails Cured Her
It doesn't matter how many times the audience has heard it before. If it's funny, it's funny. Tommy Cooper
Funny Matter Before Audience How How Many Times Heard Times Many
I haven't got an ad lib for people throwing bread rolls at my hat. Tommy Cooper
People Lib Hat Throwing Got Rolls Bread Ad
I always sit in the back of a plane. It's much safer. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain! Tommy Cooper
You Sit Back Backing Never Safer Always Hear Mountain Plane Much

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