Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright
Steven Wright
American Comedian
Born: Dec 6, 1955
Got Me People Think Time You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield W. C. Fields
What's another word for Thesaurus? Steven Wright
Word Another Thesaurus
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright
Idiot Fine Fine Line Between Like Line Fishing Shore Just Standing
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this before. Steven Wright
Time Before Think Deja Deja Vu Having Same Same Time Forgotten Now Amnesia Right
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Steven Wright
You Try Nobody Cares Think Cares About Nobody Missing Couple Payments
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright
Me People Heights Lot Afraid
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. Steven Wright
Time Breakfast Restaurant Renaissance French Any Ordered Toast Serve
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Steven Wright
You Experience Something Until Get Just After Need
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Steven Wright
Memory Sign Bad Clear Clear Conscience Conscience
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' Steven Wright
Me Book Build Would Someone Island How Were Boat Asked Stranded Desert Desert Island Bring
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright
People Late Stayed Poker House Got Up Tarot Tarot Cards Died Full Four Cards Last Playing Night Last Night
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. Steven Wright
Me Ocean Would Would-Be How How Much Wonder Just Happen Much Grow Deeper
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen? Steven Wright
You Light Space Speed Headlights Does Happen Anything Spaceship Turn Turn-On Traveling
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot. Steven Wright
Day Birthday Tired Idiot Everyone Born Diary Move After Right Thinks Kept
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' Steven Wright
Birthday Happy Remember Singing Down Everyone Remember When Around Shop Stood Candle Burned Happy Birthday
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it. Steven Wright
You World Seen Collection Beaches Perhaps Keep Largest
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Steven Wright
You Everything Would Put Where
On the other hand, you have different fingers. Steven Wright
You Other Fingers Hand Different
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? Steven Wright
Word Would Know Misspelled How Were Dictionary
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. Steven Wright
Kid Only Only Child Had Box Quicksand Child Little Sand Little Kid Eventually
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.' Steven Wright
Work Me You Doctor Better Pay Out Shape Better Shape Until Him Send Work Out Bill Right
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. Steven Wright
Time Coffee Back Instant Put Almost Oven Microwave
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?' Steven Wright
Me You Border Crossing Firearms Had Well Said Canada Any Asked Need
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. Steven Wright
Thoughts You Worth Penny Somewhere Someone Put Making Cents Then Your Two
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home. Steven Wright
Home Be Nice Nice Nursing Nursing Home Going Children After Your Choose
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Steven Wright
You Think Out He ID Quarter George George Washington Just Whipped Asked Washington
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.' Steven Wright
You Down Hey Says Sign Locking Guy Open He Hours Said Got Yes Front Front Door Door Grocery Street Row
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