Les Dawson Quotes

Les Dawson
English Comedian
Born: Feb 2, 1931
Died: Jun 10, 1993
Down Me Mother Mother-In-Law Wife You
Related authors: Benny Hill James Acaster Jimmy Carr Julian Clary Norman Wisdom Rowan Atkinson Russell Brand Sara Pascoe
In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet. Les Dawson
Ride Space Roof Thought Moon Must Chariot Mars Void Put Towards Majesty Like Looked Jupiter Infinite Hang Heavens Wherein Across Toilet Zenith Ever Awe Watched Belts
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in. Les Dawson
Christmas Change Year Our Seven Running Having Come House Mother-In-Law Years Going Round Her
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.' Les Dawson
Home Rain Mother Down Saw Week Absolutely Pouring Opened Mother-In-Law Said Came Go Go Home Just Door Stand Round Her Last
My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.' Les Dawson
Hope Day You Dance Will One Day Mother-In-Law Said Buried Your Sea Grave
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.' Les Dawson
Doctor Wife Sleeping Some Week He She Said Pills Woke Up Why Last
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. Les Dawson
Time Wife Sex Every Every Time Object Objects She Ask
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked. Les Dawson
Down Never Knew Wishing Fell Well Mother-In-Law Amazed Worked
The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week. Les Dawson
Good Old Way Good Old Days Rising Week Prices Days Old Days Last
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.' Les Dawson
Took Madame Horrors Mother-In-Law Said Sir Moving Keep Chamber Her
When we were courting, I told my wife: 'I could live in your eyes.' She said: 'You'd be at home; there's a stye in one of them.' Les Dawson
Home You Eyes Wife Live Could She Said Courting Were Them Your
Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance. Les Dawson
Saying Ugly Wife Thought Please See Horror Horror Film Take She Audience Making Personal Appearance Film
The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig. Les Dawson
Work Accident Down Had Hot Dropped Fell She Mother-In-Law Off Oil Rig Her
I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless. Les Dawson
Love Affection Someone Give Wither Because Without Need
When I was a child, I had wax in my ears. Dad didn't take me to the doctor, he used me as a night light. Les Dawson
Me Doctor Light Ears Wax Take Had He Child Used Dad Night
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. Les Dawson
Funny You Analyse Another How Personal Personal Thing Thing
I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate. Les Dawson
Saying Me Mother Looking Birth Birth Certificate Like She Loopholes Certificate Kept
My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it. Les Dawson
Throws She Mother-In-Law Passes Hand Her Fat
I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me. Les Dawson
God Me Thank God Wife Thought Asthma She Got Discovered Hissing Thank
I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored. Les Dawson
Mind Long Say Worst Worst Thing Critics Some Reaction Get Ignored Thing
I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum. Les Dawson
Me Woman Face Once Rum Had Red Like Most She South Yes Did Northern Lump

No more Les Dawson quotes

Haven't find the right quote? Try quotes from authors related to Les Dawson.

About
Site pages
Top Quotes
Authors
Today's birthdays
Copyright © Quotesia 2024