Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

Jeff Foxworthy
Jeff Foxworthy
American Comedian
Born: Sep 6, 1958
Family Me Might People You Your
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.' Jeff Foxworthy
Family You World Feeling State Minutes Fair Like Know Most Alright Because Go Five Going Dysfunctional Craziest Ever Near Start Royalty
Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks. Jeff Foxworthy
People Colleges Guys Pick He Look Got Go Fishing Off Where Jesus
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it. Jeff Foxworthy
You Book Value Down Truck Redneck How How Much Up Up And Down Goes Blue Depending Might Much Your Gas
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. Jeff Foxworthy
You Own Lifetime Fireworks Redneck Goal May Stand Your
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck. Jeff Foxworthy
You Side Complete Say Bowls Redneck Kool Salad Whip Might Set
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. Jeff Foxworthy
Education You Pickup Spent More Truck Redneck Than May Your
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck. Jeff Foxworthy
Home You Think Neighbors Detective Because Redneck Always Might Your Cop Brings
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument. Jeff Foxworthy
God Home Family You Argument First Everybody Say House Friends Friends And Family Where Ever Lives Second Third
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on. Jeff Foxworthy
Love Girl Clothes Thousand Got Doll Dolls Stitch Just Little Them Little Girls Four
We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy. Jeff Foxworthy
God Sense Of Humor Grace Comedy Humor Sense Way Hey Kind Would Stay About Faced Like Mess None Always Got Up Going Just Screwed Screwed-Up Place Us Shot Act Things Here Christians Need
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? Jeff Foxworthy
You Smell Babies Clean Know Shirt Did
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors. Jeff Foxworthy
Life Time Family First Ranks Stayed Road Taking First Time Scissors Tub Sitting List Experiences In-Laws Which Full Ever Right Below
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately. Jeff Foxworthy
Me Wife Lately Married True She Looks Been Now Her
When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.' Jeff Foxworthy
Me You People First Stupid Lose Out Telling Voice Voice Lessons New Come Like Well Accent Got South Chicago Get York Going New York Being Where Lessons Started Kept
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Jeff Foxworthy
Happy Nobody Know Mama
The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him. Jeff Foxworthy
Quality Bit More Voice Higher He Excited Him Got His Goes Gets Little Little Bit Fife Rooster Barney
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot! Jeff Foxworthy
You World Car Parking Parking Lot Driver Put Most Safe She Doing Lot Grandma Her Careful
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work. Jeff Foxworthy
Life Work Love You Hate Money Bonus Find Something Make Still Doing Lot Going
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family. Jeff Foxworthy
Good Family People Rest Country Other Side States Folks Percent Take Been After Them Whole Traveled
I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles. Jeff Foxworthy
Song Words Everything About Deleted Know Island Brain Theme Theme Song Why Kept
I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away. Jeff Foxworthy
Day Three Everybody Give More Takes Hours Know Another Because Does Refuse Want Away Two
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family. Jeff Foxworthy
Good Family Wife Feeling Side Took Analytical Kids Out Bad Put Am Lot Effort After Turn Then Means Daddy Her Raising
If men have a smell it's usually an accident. Jeff Foxworthy
Men Smell Accident
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling. Jeff Foxworthy
People Pride First Relationships Unraveling Step First Step Companies
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together. Jeff Foxworthy
Together Try White White House President Kind Had Put Weird Perform House Always Set
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this. Jeff Foxworthy
Morning Big Father-In-Law Channel Rush Know Discovery Up Gets Dad Why Watches
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