Fred Allen Quotes

Fred Allen

Fred Allen

American Comedian

Born: May 31, 1894

Died: Mar 17, 1956

Funny Men Own People Will You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen

Funny Me People Long Walks Taken Like Annoy Who

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. Fred Allen

People Nothing Group Meet Individually Committee Done Decide Who

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. Fred Allen

Group Unnecessary Unprepared Unwilling Committee Appointed

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. Fred Allen

Me Rather Bottle Than Front Full

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen

Life Dark Glasses Become Recognized Wears Well Well Known Known Celebrity Person Being Famous Then Hard Avoid Who Works

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. Fred Allen

Remember Three Trouble Faces Remembering Names Always Thing Things Third

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. Fred Allen

Together People Nothing Gathering Conference Done Decide Who

California is a great place to live if you're an orange. Fred Allen

Great You Live Great Place California Orange Place

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. Fred Allen

Amazing Own Musical Musical Instrument My Own Only Instrument Amazement Little Play

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. Fred Allen

Man Woman Gentleman Hat His Hit Any Who

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. Fred Allen

World Space Men Before Had Advertising Existed

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. Fred Allen

Imitation Television Sincerest Sincerest Form Form

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great. Fred Allen

Good Great Competition Too Bad Place Good Actor Washington Actor

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. Fred Allen

Family Tree Know Look Because Up Sap

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. Fred Allen

Treat Employees Like Partners Act

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. Fred Allen

Will Guy Only Hollywood Producer Who Associate

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. Fred Allen

Time History Jokes Age Comedy First Living Machine Machine Age Has-Been Oblivion He Supply Comedian Himself Knows First Time Material Been Whether Compelled Treadmill Compete

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. Fred Allen

Humor About Know Anything

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. Fred Allen

Uncle He Undertaker Southern Planter Alabama

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. Fred Allen

Life Success Life Expectancy About Small Lighted Look Match Boy Tank His Expectancy Fleeting Who Popularity Actor Gas

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