33 David Sedaris Quotes for You to Enjoy

David Sedaris

American Writer

Born: Dec 26, 1956

Books Like Me People Think You

Related authors: Dale Carnegie Denis Waitley Dr. Seuss H. L. Mencken Napoleon Hill Ray Bradbury W. E. B. Du Bois William Arthur Ward

I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out. David Sedaris

Change People Long Slightest Out Case Long List Idea Prospective Got How Still List Candidates Just Should Figure Keep Ever

But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter. David Sedaris

Humorist Pretended Never Reporter

What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny. David Sedaris

Funny People Dark Other Despairing Call

After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. David Sedaris

Art Dangerous Parents Few State Took State University Months Destroy Entire Potential Both Civilizations Combination Conceptual Conceptual Art Crystal Discovered Where After Either Apartment Near Basement Things University

I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone. David Sedaris

Morning You Joke Argument Every Aid Later Say Someone Invaluable Something Winning February Write Most Said Been Years Diary Often Just Quote Whining Use Description Keeping

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like. David Sedaris

Whatever About Write Like Reserve Right

If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve. David Sedaris

You Somebody Read Diary Get Deserve

I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. David Sedaris

Good You People Think Like Policy Always Who

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news. David Sedaris

News Big Humorist Say Laughs Exaggerate See How Big News Get

If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere. David Sedaris

I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you? David Sedaris

Love Me You Book People Giving Book Signings Worn Say Bad Would People Say Someone Never Part Attention Like Hours How How Much Go Line Off Child Getting Oh Just Love You Loves Much Standing Why Away