27 Bill Burr Quotes for You to Enjoy

Bill Burr

American Comedian

Born: Jun 10, 1968

Comedy Me People Think Time You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

Did you ever spell a word so bad that your spell check has absolutely no clue what you're trying to spell? What do you end up getting, you end up getting, like, a question mark. You got a million dollars of technology just looking back at you like, 'You got me, buddy. Which is pretty amazing because I have all the words.' Bill Burr

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I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people. Bill Burr

Me You People Gemini Empathetic Weird Sadistic Most Sort Off Person Where Loving Meanest Really Thing

I gotta be honest with you. I'm kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels? Bill Burr

Jealous Day Mom You Women Sometimes Way Those Out Kind Angels Take Day-Out Talk Making Gotta Did Gets Just Stop Where Your Dad Honest

I'm not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage. Bill Burr

Lie Stage Out Most Am Get Going Psycho Luckily

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious. Bill Burr

Funny You Humor Hilarious Favorite Kind Observe Happening Basically

People focus too much on whether there's a Democrat or a Republican in office. It's not like this guy Kim-Jong Un got into power the second Trump got into power. It's not like he wasn't a problem. It's not like we haven't had warmongers. It's not like corporations haven't been the main influence on what we're doing around the world. Bill Burr

People Problem World Too Much Focus Power Too Corporations UN Guy Main Had He Like Democrat Around Got Doing Been Trump Office Influence Whether Republican Much Second

You know, it wasn't even that I'm a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I'd be able to do it the way I wanted to do it. Bill Burr

Being a stand-up comic, this isn't a stepping-stone for me; it's what I do, and this is what I'm always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reasons to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows. Bill Burr

You probably need 1/10 of the world's population for us to continue to exist. There's just too many damn people. You have to somehow get us from 7 billion people to... I don't know what the magic number is, but I imagine at some point, that will happen. And I don't know about you, but I don't think I'm making the cut. Bill Burr

You People World Will Think Damn Too Some Magic About Somehow Point Know Making Continue Exist Get Just Happen Cut Us Billion Many Population Number Need Imagine

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it's a fun place to live. Bill Burr

Experience Drive Live Everyone Out Just Place Should Fun Desert

You have to show up at 7 in the morning and be on like it's 9 at night. It's a skill. Some comics run from it, and they hate doing it, but the comics that are pros understand how important it is, and they get good at it. Bill Burr

Good Morning You Hate Important Run Some Pros Like Understand How Comics Doing Up Get Skill Show Night

They say you don't want to meet your heroes, but those two guys, you do want to meet them, because they do not disappoint. Walken has this amazing sense of humor, and Pacino is like just a sweetheart of a guy. Bill Burr

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me. Bill Burr

I like finding stuff that I suck at and trying to get better. So I'm taking classes, getting myself comfortable in an acting scene. You've got to work out those ticks. For instance, standing up used to be really hard for me. I act much better if I'm sitting down. Bill Burr

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Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing. Bill Burr

Amazing Dave Working Show

A plumber doesn't change the way he plumbs when he has a kid. You're a comedian. This is your style. Bill Burr

You Change Style Way Kid Plumber He Comedian Your

I think some people really change when they become a dad. Like, I've changed in different ways. I - but, like, my comedy hasn't changed. And I've also seen people do that where you become this - you become a dad, and then all of a sudden, you're trying to be a role model. Bill Burr

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When I watch 'Breaking Bad,' my stomach is in knots. Bill Burr

Bad Knots Stomach Breaking Breaking Bad Watch

My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works, works. I think it would be hard to find a guy who's logged more hours than that guy. Bill Burr

Work Parents Think Would Would-Be Find Guy More Hours Than Just Work Ethic Ethic Hard Works Dad Ridiculous

Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn't work out. But maybe because it didn't work out, that's why I ended up on 'Breaking Bad;' I don't know. Bill Burr

Stand up comedy is this thing you get to do, so you have to treat it with respect. You can't just be like, 'Alright, I got my hour down, people are coming to see me now. Now, I'm going to lean on the mike stand.' No, you gotta work even harder now. You got to top what you already did. Because they'll find someone else. Bill Burr

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That's kind of my job in the writer's room. I'm always the guy going, like, 'People wouldn't say that there. They wouldn't say that.' Like, I hate when I watch sitcoms and something crazy happens, and people just kind of go, 'Huh?' and then they just go on. Bill Burr

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