34 Artie Lange Quotes for You to Enjoy

Artie Lange

American Actor

Born: Oct 11, 1967

Being Funny Life People Time You

Related authors: Bruce Lee Clint Eastwood Kevin Hart Mr. T Orson Welles Shia LaBeouf Tom Hanks Will Rogers

All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once you're laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what I'm saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred. Artie Lange

Saying You Hopeless Big Down Valley Once Way Say Slip Find Only Purpose Laying Through No-One Bottom Because How Motionless Mountain Get Personal Roll Goes Holds Low Straight Realize Your Yours Barred Helpless Below

The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons. Artie Lange

Time People Smart Big Smart People Stern Because Howard Stern Dumb Big Hit Hit Same Same Time Different Show Different Reasons Reasons

A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian. Artie Lange

Drinking Christian Born-Again Weekend Vegas Like Without Just Being Gambling

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation. Artie Lange

You Sometimes Drinking Drink Point Moderation

I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro. Artie Lange

First Country Once Say Run Castro Prima Name First Name Dealt His Movie Movie Set Fidel Castro Communist Who Set

Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the peak you fell from, do you truly know how small you are and understand how tall you used to be. Artie Lange

Life You Made Lying Gazing Ditch Only Small Know Fell Tall Understand How Truly Up Muddy Your Used Peak

Whiskey will always be a part of my life. Artie Lange

Life Will My Life Part Always Whiskey

My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be. Artie Lange

Me Mind Will Superman He Always Dad

When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs. Artie Lange

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time. Artie Lange

Happiness Time Sadness Comedy Vegas Tragedy Same Same Time Means

The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent. Artie Lange

Day Morning Relates Those All Day Laugh Plumber About Guy Guys Dates Drives He Talent Make Him Knows Because How Real Still Model Regular Regular Guy Who Now Million

I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say. Artie Lange

You Say Critics None Been Lot Movies Them Might

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine. Artie Lange

Everytime Kind Fine Some Seem Vegas Go

I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something. Artie Lange

Genius Dark Wish Something Like Pryor Artist Richard Richard Pryor

When you're an adult, when times are good, entire years go by in what feels like the space of one season. But the worst trick time plays on you is just how slowly the worst times in your life take you to live through. Artie Lange

I got cast on 'MADtv' as one of eight permanent cast members chosen from 8,000 comics who'd been screened. For any comic trying to make something of themselves, that was like hitting triple 7s-jackpot. Artie Lange

Members Triple Something Cast Cast Members Like Make Permanent Comic Got Comics Been Trying Hitting Any Eight Screened Themselves Chosen

Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' That show had such history and was so established that I didn't see the point. Artie Lange

History Care Live Unlike See About Point Had Comics Lot Getting Established Show Saturday Saturday Night Saturday Night Live Night

I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, 'God I wish I had the person on stage to be with all the time.' Artie Lange

Funny God Time You People Sometimes Wish Master Stage Girlfriends Had Stuff Like Person Being Being Funny Then Ceremonies

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd want to punch him in the face; he'd just seem like a whiner to you. But the fact is that he's funny. Artie Lange

Funny You People Face Punch Seem Seinfeld Fact He Like Comedians Him Just Want Happen Whine Who Jerry

I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete. Artie Lange

Kid Athlete Always Thin

Woody Allen stayed so good because he never left New York. Howard Stern stayed so good because he never left New York - Mel Brooks when he just got out of New York was doing 'Blazing Saddles;' when he left New York he started doing stuff like 'Robin Hood Men In Tights' - he was in L.A. too long. He lost the edge. Artie Lange

Good Men Long Edge Lost Too Mel Brooks Hood Out Brooks Stayed Allen Never He Blazing Stuff New Like Stern Robin Robin Hood Because Got Tights Doing Howard Stern Left York Just New York Woody Woody Allen Started

When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either. Artie Lange

Saying Time Political Cause First Ruined Right Time Correctness Andrew Clay No-One He Eddie Around Coming Political Correctness Dice Sam Died Going Just Anymore Either Tolerate Right Murphy Started Career

It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out a way to do it on stage. Artie Lange

Stage Satisfied Our Way Out Having Having Fun Weird Like Comedians Because Got Friends Just Figure Therapy Fun Standup

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